"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" (2009)

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Directed by: Michael Bay
Running time: 150 minutes

G’day internet inhabitants! I come here today with an apology, I have not seen a film in the cinemas this week so I have nothing current to review. Today, however, I did discuss with some friends about my plans to go see Transformers: Dark of the Moon in a few weeks when it launches here in Australia. This led to a discussion about the previous Transformers films and that gave me the idea that in the lead up to Dark of the Moon, I could review the previous Transformers film: Revenge of the Fallen. So, here we go!

Now Showing this week is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, directed by Michael Bay (the director of the entire trilogy thus far) and released back in 2009. Following the conclusion of Transformers, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) has made an attempt to return to normal life and is studying at university. However, when Sam touches a chunk of the Cybertronian “All Spark” cube left over from the first film, his mind is populated with images of Cybertronian hieroglyphs that he does not understand. Little does he know that the Decepticons are seeking the information contained in his head so they can find a thing called the “Matrix of Leadership”, which is the key to the “Sun Harvester”. An evil transformer dubbed “the Fallen” is wanting to use the Sun Harvester to destroy the world. That’s basically the premise in a nutshell, it is a bit more detailed then that but if I wanted to write a complete synopsis of the plot I would be here all night!

Much to my dismay, when I went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen two years ago when it launched, I noticed that it was a terrible film. Seriously, just terrible. With such a fantastic film preceding it, I was so sure that the sequel would at least be decent but no. It was awful. Not Hangover Part II or The Notebook awful but awful nonetheless. I just thought I would say that upfront before going into the nitty gritty details so as no one was unclear of my opinion: it’s really bad.

The foremost thing that made me loathe the film was it’s use of humour. The original Transformers was quite funny and clever, but all the humour was born out of the ridiculousness of the scenarios and the natural human reactions to things such as giant robots walking around! I believe the writers of Revenge of the Fallen thought: “wow, everyone seemed to really enjoy the humour that appeared in the first film, so let us write the second film to be a comedy!” Bad idea writers, really bad idea. The humour is so stupid and unnecessary and often wasn’t even funny! Oh man, those two dogs are humping each other/the Sector 7 man keeps referring to his mother/Sam’s mother accidentally had some weed ha ha ha!; it’s all so pointless! And the entire awfulness of the film can be summed up by this moment: the giant destructive Decepticon they fight at the end has two wrecking balls hanging between its legs and the Sector 7 man states while standing under it “I am located under…enemy scrotum!”

I’m just going to let that atrocity resonate….

Further more, the racism. “Wait a minute,” I hear you say, “Revenge of the Fallen wasn’t racist. It’s all about robots!”. Oh how wrong you are, whoever you are; the film was shockingly racist. Do you remember those two robots referred to as “the Twins”? Remember how they had the occasional gold tooth and spoke like they were from “the ghetto”? You do! Well what racist stereotype does that remind you of? That’s right, a racist stereotype for black people. And further more, in the scene where Sam writes down some Cybertronian hieroglyphs in the sand and asks the Twins if they can read them and tell him what they say, they reply “nah man, we can’t read…”

Wow…. the stereotypical black robots are illiterate. Just…wow.

Finally, I come to a massive loophole in the plot of the film. Those of you who are really adamant to avoid spoilers (if you’re one of the small group of people who have not seen the film), you should skip this paragraph, just saying. Ok, so about halfway through the film Optimus Prime gets killed in battle and the remaining good guys know that the Matrix of Leadership can revive him. So they head off to find it and they go through an epic battle just to revive Optimus because only a Prime can kill the Fallen. Sam had to die in the process of this so that the Dynasty of the Primes could magically reassemble the Matrix of Leadership and lots of carnage and bloodshed was suffered in order to bring Optimus back. Except, earlier in the film, the Decepticons resurrect the dead Megatron using a chunk of the All Spark cube that they managed to salvage. Logically, that means that a chunk of the All Spark cube could bring Optimus back to life, and Megan Fox has a chunk of the freakin cube in her bag the entire time! And they know it’s able to resurrect robots, because they waste it on some other robot who can take them to the thing that can resurrect Optimus! What the hell?! How could these writers miss a plot hole that large?! That’s the final insult for me, that plot hole is inexcusable.

Just so I can end on a positive, I guess the fight scenes in the film were good. The Decpticons are all grey with  little defining features at speed so when they fought you couldn’t tell who was who; but other then that they were alright. So, I guess now you should be asking why on earth am I going to see the third film given this one was so mind numbing terrible? Well, I am an admitted sucker for good marketing and the first trailer I saw for the film (the one set entirely during the moon landing of 1969) contained a premise that intrigued me enough to give it some benefit of the doubt. But mark my words, it has a lot to make up for. If those racist Twins are in it, I call the film dead and buried.

See you next time!


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